forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
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I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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