he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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