The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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