The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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