I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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