I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
