Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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