i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dick very happy bro
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
