we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
