Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
