Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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