alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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