Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
