Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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