it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
