then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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