I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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