apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
