there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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