Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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