can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
