He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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