i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
