And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize