im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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