I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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