Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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