felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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