i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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