Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
