i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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