Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
