Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
