I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
