is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
