it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
