When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
