he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
honey bunches of taint.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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