I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
