Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
