we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
