every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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