If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
