Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
