Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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