i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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