i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I look better un-naked...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
