all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
