is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
