Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
