I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
