You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
