Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
