I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
