We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
