Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
