It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
im on a boat
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