I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
