sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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