had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
