Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
