I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
