We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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