Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize