Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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